Befriending our wedding

This wedding is a strange beast. On one hand, we (I especially) decided on a short-lead engagement specifically to avoid spending too much time on it. I love weddings (had you noticed?) and I was afraid of myself; afraid of becoming someone who lives and breathes Wedding and who loses perspective because of it. I was afraid that the longer I had to plan, the more embroiled in the details I would become.

Yet, I now admit that I may have been wrong in my approach. Lately I have been feeling ..disconnected from the day.

I enjoyed not having the freedom to make any decision I wanted- having only one date available at our venue, for example, was a simple and refreshingly easy decision. I could pick between two options: yes or no. But now I am wondering if maybe part of my way of connecting to things, be they events, objects or choices, is through deliberation. I have always mulled my decisions over - I am the person who reads all the reviews, examines all the alternatives, before making a choice. I am she, who spent 9 months deliberating over buying an iPhone. I am she, who has plowed through 6 different honeymoon options before settling (I hope).

So now I have this wedding, this amazing wedding, that doesn't feel Mine. I haven't connected with any of the choices we have made yet. Normally this process of connection would be gained through whittling down options until at last arriving at a choice you know you have Made Well, but when that option, the only one you know how to do, has gone, what do you do?

I an going to have to get to know it. Back to front, I am going to have to approach each choice and re-learn it, befriend it. We made them for good, valid reasons, so these are good, valid choices. Piece by piece, I need to reclaim them. I need to tame this strange wedding beast of ours.

And maybe even befriend it.